The Happiness of No Reason!

Dear Diary,

It is so so so very important for one to have found one’s self after a long time! It is the best home coming one can experience and am I glad! I am eternally grateful for having found myself. How where when it happened I know not. But my days are brighter.. there is a smile on my face, there is a joke on my head.. I don’t fret the night, and I don’t fret being by myself.. for a short while it may be, but I am not running from myself. I hope this continues. I don’t know really whom to thank. They say time is the best healer so here’s an ode to time. They say friends are our true saviours.. so here’s a toast and a big big hug to them! Pardyyyy folks!

Life is not really just about a lot of highs, it is about climbing each peak, looking back and getting ready for the next plunge. You know what! I don’t know what I am saying! I just know that I am feeling light. Lighter by years, by ages, by degrees and by jove!

I don’t want sound the stereotypical happy happy girl here.. but what else should I be right now! I am feeling so strong and hopeful, complete and electric! Ask me how I am doing! Oh ask away! And I shall say I am doing fantastic! :D

Ok..ok..finger crossed… being happy doesn’t mean I am not gonna cry kabhi.. and sharing my happiness doesn’t imply I am not gonna come to you for comfort anymore! I will re! But as goes Hina and my most wisdomsome (that SHUD be a word by now, u know) ok….I should say most profound coinage: “isi mein hasle”! Cz..who knows if we get the chance later or not.. at least feel what you are feeling now and share the joy and wonder that is the ‘happiness of no reason’.

May the magic never subside!

Neha

Nok Jhok Shararatein Hain!

Heyaaa!! here is the limca commercial 2010.. an advertisement i so loveeeeee watching...! The expression on the guy's face is so endearing and the girl's reposte so refreshing! Btw.. what better brand could i be sponsoring on this blog aptly titled Fresh Lime Soda!


 ;)



Yeh nok jhok shararatein hain
Phuharon ki yeh shajishen hain
Thandi aahein, aur nigahein
Phir se apni bana lo na.........
soyi soyi khwahishon ko
aaj phir se jaga lo na!

Taaza taaza
rishton ki yeh
taaxa taaza
ibaratein hain

shabnamon ki taazgi mein,
khwabon ko tum ...dooba lo na!

khaati mithi in lamhon se
mastion ko bicha lo na!

yeh nok jhok, sharartein hain

intro to my core

Let me share with you things about a certain people that I always envied. I always wanted a calm mind, more patience in life, a settled conscience, basically peace inside. And I knew it definitely existed. I must also mention here that I am doing fine now. :) I am really really better and I have no intention of opting out of this phase. :)

But I sometimes get anxious and it does me no good. When I meet people who sparingly give a thought to events that are capable of catapulting an entire universe of emotions for me, I realise that I have much to learn. Either these people don’t think or their ying and yang are so in conformity to each other that there is no place for doubt or need for self assessment! I never want to copy them ( I am too much in love with my erratic, irrational, impulsive self) but for my own peace of mind and to rid myself of superfluous insecurities and anxiety that have come to haunt me for the past year or so, I have sought ways to achieve that state of mind where not all is charged up and manic. And to top the unsettled mind, my insomniac tendencies won’t let me sleep at night. The ever charged up brain does rock ‘n’ roll inside at the cost of my peaceful sleep. And then I began reading Eat, Pray, Love which revealed to me an alternate defence mechanism which I had inside of me but was more or less untapped until now.

To cut the chase short- I meditated today. Summoning all my belief in my core- the nucleus of my being – the limitless relentless energy that subsides within me, I sat cross legged on the bed and did the dhyana. I shut my eyes and my hands rested on my shin, gently clasped together. I just tried to concentrate into the darkness around. I kept wading through, descending deeper and deeper into the confines of my being. I calmly discarded all thoughts  from the path I was creating. Like gigantic translucent balls, the unwanted thoughts would come to me one by one and I would catch hold of them to save my head and would hurl it back into the universe. Never halting in the way. As I’d do that the ball like thing would shatter into a thousand little pieces and disappear. No single thought tried messing with my brain again. And when no new thought would come, I tried to softly suppress the voices in my head that were hell bent on conversing with me. Dissuading me from this silly pose I was sitting in and the thing called ‘meditation’. Almost reflexively, I pictured a big brown wobbly chest. The voices were coming out from this chest. I gathered all my strength to shut the chest and once I overpowered it and I sat atop it – cross-legged again.

Now was the time for some good thoughts. I pictured a meadow, all green and serene, with birds and cats and dogs playing around peacefully- a beautiful quite sound filled up my senses.. may be it was the trees. Then I pictured a stream.. a small stream. I walked upto it, barefooted throughout. And I sat down near it. I was bathed in calm and peace by then. It was not bliss I think because bliss has to be extraordinary. But it was the beginning of a belief in this thing that was happening in my head and I was liking it so much there. I had no desire to get up or even move. I must have enjoyed the scenic beauty for a while.

But soon the mind came back to reality and I realised I was on the bed with my eyes closed. My hair stroked my cheek and I wanted to brush them away but I let them be. I felt a tingling sensation on the shoulder but I let that be. I accepted that. Just like I was ready to accept the universe outside and the world within me.

I wasn’t seeking much actually.. I had tried this thing so as to check if there’s any peace inside. I was so on the right path. For once I did NOT do the soul-searching I do all the time. I stopped time for myself. I forbade me to think of the uncertainties of the future and mistakes of the past. For once I tried to truly and completely accept what the universe has to offer. It was not an attempt not to think, but an attempt to choose what to think. I didn’t let my mind wander from the path that I was wading through. The meadow and chest of voices were there but the path was the constant state of mind. It felt as if there were many miles to go, to where I didn’t know. But even the distance made happy because the journey was like nourishing me. There was one more belief now -- that in time the darkness that I was walking and running within would go away and turn to light. The destination as well as the path would brighten up, showing me a beautiful landscape.

I have been confused for a long time now. And I have always ran to people for peace. I always knew it was temporary. But this seemed promising for this was inside of me. No one can take away the core of me. It has abundant - unlimited energy – it IS the source of all energy. I did not decide when to stop meditating. I was completely oblivious of the time. I could have been sitting cross-legged for five minutes or it could have been an hour, for all I knew. But after a while I could feel that I was being thrown out of the delirium! I could feel that the journey was not over and that there are many miles to go but for today it was enough. I could only accept..my core was throwing my out afterall. I said a few nice things that I wanted to say out loud. I could not help but pray a little. Me, Neha the one whose relationship with religion has always been a choice between deciding whether I was an atheist of an agnostic!

I just prayed that let this training continue and that I will come again. When opened my eyes I felt refreshed and calm. For a long long time I had not been this clear-eyed and focussed even after eight hours of sleep.

:)

All this happened in about half an hour (I checked the time afterward) of sitting still and assuming charge. It was not about letting go and relaxation. It was foremost about gaining control. It was accepting and believing that henceforth my core will be the boss of me. Not my heart not my mind. Just that mystical source of power inside of me. I always used to jibe about the things they said about ‘controlling the senses’ in our spiritual sessions in school. I used to think it was an impossible to perform, theoretical effete piece of Vedic knowledge. Now I know better.

This has been possible cz of the Pray part of the book. The belief stemmed from reading it. I hate to imitate or to get so influenced by people or experiences in their lives. I believe in imbibing what I can and should and leaving the rest. But this once it seemed to be the rightest thing to do. I would be foolish not to follow my instinct. :)

captures

love love me do!!!

I am out of the mess. I know what my instincts say. Der laga di i know.. but I'm good! And as i said to my dear friend just now.. "Pleasure is Me! So long as i'm Free!"

No one is responsible for my happiness.. the reins of my life are in hands of my own... :) No more looking back..no more crying tubs.. no more oh no more! A clear conscience..a clear mind.. a clean heart.. i got it all!!

Love you NEHA!!! Hugs n kisses!

PS: Today was a shopping day..bought a sexy dress for meself for one of the functions for my cousin's wedding! Now i got a saree.. a dress..& a chudidaar suit.. a visit to Carol Park for accessories and one more dress is due.. :D whoa!

( phew..how easy it is to write it all and feel happy!.. I detested the clothes shopping spree....!!! I look forward to THIS part of shopping though..accessories!)

So! What is fresh-lime soda all about??

This blog is dedicated to ME! I mean most blogs are dedicated to their rightful owners.. but i hope to be happy here. I hopy to be happy everywhere.. but this is one place that would be strictly HAPPY! No sad tones allowed here. You gotta be fresh..you gotta count your blessings and you gotta spread love! And you gotta use exclamatory marks all over.. if not, then go to nehawrote.blogspot.com..thats for saddy stuff. :P

Why did I christen this blog thus? I just wanted to name it for something light and smhow the name fresh lime soda clicked.. it quenches thirst like nothing else and is fresh to the core..may be that's why!

So what do i talk about here??

Basically all the nonsense that i am capable of. :) which includes all girly chatter, all naughty chatter, all frivolous nonsense that i can muster.. EVERYTHING that makes me happy.. pictures, shades, books, heels, eye shadow, off-shoulder dresses, no dress at all, bags and err...all gifts and happy wala music hehe..the works.. ho gaya aar..ho gayi tu pareshaann.. kar liya suicide attempt :P, ab go live.. just GO.. rock the stage! From now on whenever sad.. come here and read it all.. be happy.. do what makes you happy... happy happy happy..

Welcome to my blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!